Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
