also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
