You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
