He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Alive.
So much puke
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
