THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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