we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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