what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
