Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
