so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
