She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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