see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
