Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
