He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
