I think my fart just growled at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
