Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
