Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
