he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
