I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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