Please don't use social media to get back at me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Found the puke drawer
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
