She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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