You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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