I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
