U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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