haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
