Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
