I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
