hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
