You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
