how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
