It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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