rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
