Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
