the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
