I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
