make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
