My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
