Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
