but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
