fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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