Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
