I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
