well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't make out with my wife yet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
