I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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