Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
