I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
