Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
