Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
