U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
high people should be assigned attendants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
