I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
