I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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