I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
