No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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