i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
