I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
