You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
