Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
