i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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