You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
