it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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