He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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