I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize