I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
