is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
