Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
