I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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