1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I look better un-naked...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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