actually, I'm a sock model
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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