Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize