Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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