so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
