I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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