I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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