Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My vagina is officially offended.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
